Alien Take-Out

When you visit a foreign country, one of the things you probably look forward to is sampling the local cuisine. Those of you who don’t like to try new things probably end up eating at McDonalds or the local Chinese restaurant. Yes, they are everywhere. But one thing that you don’t do is bring all your food with you. Maybe some gum and a couple of treats, but that’s about it.

Alien Cuisine

Alien Cuisine

Now imagine an alien spaceship just arrives at Earth after traveling light-years across space-time. If they are explorers who just happen to bump into us, they probably have a big store of food and drink to keep them going for a while. After all, the spacing between stars in our neighborhood is pretty wide, so they would have to be prepared for a long trip. We may not be in the country, but we’re definitely in the outlying suburbs of the Milky Way galaxy. But if this ship is just one of a constant stream of scientists, tourists, missionaries, or who knows what, they probably wouldn’t carry more food than they are sure to need before they head home. They might bring enough for a round-trip journey and a brief visit, but for how much longer? Unless they have developed the technology to recycle everything back into food and drink (yes, you know what I mean) or turn space dust into food, they would eventually need to forage for sustenance or go home. I’m betting that many an alien has decided to stay longer than originally planned and needed to turn to the locals for food.

How would they manage this? The Earth is certainly abundant in resources, but they would have to either land and steal some fresh food every day or two, or gather seeds to plant in the gardens of their mother ship, or find a way to buy it. My first thought was of the crop circles. What a great way to farm for grain while leaving pretty pictures behind to keep us distracted. The problem is that the grain is never removed; it is just mashed down and left with some electromagnetic residue. Then I thought about the cattle mutilations. But since they don’t actually take the meat with them, it must just be some curious alien hunting activity where they use blood-vaporizing weapons instead of the expected flesh-destroying laser guns. Or maybe they only remove the blood because that is what they like best. Talk about a sci¬fi horror movie.

Human Food Pyramid

Human Food Pyramid

No, I think that aliens must either be stealing from our farms or have set up a front corporation for purchasing their favorite foods. After all, who would want to settle for corn, potatoes, and cow blood when there is so much more interesting stuff available? I still remember some sci-fi book about aliens visiting Earth and falling in love with ketchup. They just couldn’t get enough of it and had no equivalent to the tomato on their planet, so every time they met with humans, they would stock up on ketchup. Sounds plausible to me!

With advanced alien technology, they would certainly be able to either counterfeit our money or set up a technology company to design and sell some new gadgets to earn it legally. Of course, they would probably need to abduct some human babies and raise them with their own so they would have some genetically genuine humans to infiltrate into human society. Ah, yes, are you thinking what I am? The men in black! It just can’t be a movie–it’s just too obviously a perfect plan for infiltrating the Earth. So, if men in black exist, they are probably here, first and foremost, as food purchasing agents. After that, they could be tasked to assist with abductions, conduct close-up anthropological studies on humans, and do whatever missionary work they may be inclined to pursue. If they did want to study people, they would probably want to get into public opinion research or psychology. If they wanted to do missionary work, well let’s just say we need to keep an eye on the Scientologists.

Food Conglomerates

Food Conglomerates

So, basically what I’m saying is, that we need to be on the lookout for a technology company that purchases a variety of food products and does a lot of research on human behavior or opinion. You might think that the research topics would be pretty profound or complicated, but I would bet they are more likely to be stupidly obvious. After all, they are from another planet and might ask some fairly stupid questions at first. Haven’t you ever heard about some research study that was investigating something that everyone already knows the answer to? There could be a good reason for this.

Oh, and they probably would want to get into pharmaceuticals because it would just be so easy and profitable. With no need for research and development into the drugs they probably already have, it would just be pure profit. Plus, they would get to run government-approved human clinical trials, where they could do some really sneaky testing and maybe some genetic manipulation. The best thing would be that only the top leadership of the company would have to be alien-raised. The rest of the company could consist of ordinary human employees. So, if your CEO seems to be a bit whacked out, eccentric, or reclusive and is getting the company into all kinds of unrelated business lines, you may be working for an alien conglomerate.

As for the food, it would probably be delivered to some isolated warehouses where it could be picked up at night and brought back to the mother ship.

1 thought on “Alien Take-Out

  1. Pingback: Alien Rejects | Earth People are Crazy

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